Review Information
Game Reviewed Mario Minigame Mayhem, by Mario350
Review Author Cap'n Coconuts
Created Mar 29 2013, 9:10 PM

General Commentary and Game Overview
Winston Churchill once said, "If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack."

This "game" is so terrible, it isn't even funny. It doesn't even deserve a sarcastic tongue-in-cheek review. It deserves to be destroyed with fire... hellfire, to be precise. The remains should be carefully removed and disposed of by specialized personnel wearing full HAZMAT gear, and the space it resides in should be quarantined for many, many years. Even those precautions may not be enough to protect humanity from this stinking heap of refuse.
 
Pros Oh man, you can't be serious! I just might die laughing if you're serious about me listing pros.
 
Cons Everything. Do I really need to make a list?
 
Impressions
Gameplay
1 / 10
The "game" consists of four "minigames", which are played in this order:

1) where you spam CTRL to shoot at goombas which take half a minute to start appearing. You get 5 points for each one you shoot, but it would be more prudent to commit suicide as soon as they start appearing.

2) where you play Dodge the Shyguys Abridged. Fun fact: your score increases constantly, and you can keep colliding with the Shy Guy right in front of you until you get about 1,000 points. The minigame just restarts when you die. WHY WON'T IT LET YOU DIE?!

3) Where you do absolutely nothing but look at Luigi slowly move past terrible MS Paint drawings of fast food. Nothing can possibly happen to your score. Did I forget to mention that you do absolutely nothing in this so-called minigame?

4) where you deliver pizza to a bunch of houses, pressing CTRL to shoot it at the Goombas blocking your path. Score constantly decreases, supposedly because you're supposed to do it as fast as possible. Given that the pizza is a horrible MS paint abomination, I can understand that it'd be a deadly weapon, capable of making enemies and platforms explode on contact. I feel sorry for the families who lost their loved ones to the delivered pizza. I'm also worried about Mario, because now the Health Department's going to be on him like white on rice.

The highscores are brought up at the end of each minigame (or every time you get killed in the second), and is shared by all the minigames. Since there's no way to increase score in the last two games, and you lose score in the last one, it's obvious that the score "system" is horribly broken.

It can't possibly be more obvious. Mario Minigame Mayhem is completely, utterly crap.
 
Graphics
1 / 10
Let's see: MS paint in the waiting minigame, MS paint houses and pizza in the last minigame, large amounts of featureless whitespace everywhere... sounds like an epic failure to me!
 
Sound
1 / 10
There's a grand total of two sound effects: one for explosions, and one for death in Dodge the Shy Guys. The music's all midis that everyone has heard loads of times.
 
Replay
1 / 10
Replay value? What replay value? It doesn't even have first play value!
 
Final Words
-2 / 10
It's kind of like Action52... except that there's just four games instead of 52, and that this game's worse.

Comments
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Cap'n Coconuts
Mar 30 2013, 4:44 PM
Inb4 people ask me how I did this.
 
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LSF Games
Mar 30 2013, 4:44 PM
How to do -2? Is it only for admins and site staff or what?
 
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Cap'n Coconuts
Mar 30 2013, 4:51 PM
When Techokami gave a game -1, he wouldn't tell anyone for fear of a future where everyone paid no attention to the normal score scale and all hell broke loose.

I don't mean to be an elitist or anything, but it's not something I can risk sharing to the public. If you really want to give scores outside the 1-10 range, you'll have to figure it out yourself.

And no, this is not something that only site staff can do. As you can see on my profile, I'm just a plain ol' member.
 
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Ryan Silberman
Mar 30 2013, 5:14 PM
Quote (Cap'n Coconuts on Mar 30 2013, 4:51 PM)
When Techokami gave a game -1, he wouldn't tell anyone for fear of a future where everyone paid no attention to the normal score scale and all hell broke loose.

I don't mean to be an elitist or anything, but it's not something I can risk sharing to the public. If you really want to give scores outside the 1-10 range, you'll have to figure it out yourself.

And no, this is not something that only site staff can do. As you can see on my profile, I'm just a plain ol' member.

It's everyone's dream to rate a bad game a 0 out of 10. I think it would be nice to see how.

EDIT: I think I may truly have figured it out by myself. Unfortunately, I can't seem to edit existing reviews for -# scores...So my review for this game still has to be a 1/10. T_T
 
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DJ Coco
Mar 30 2013, 6:25 PM
Oh, you do this game justice by giving it a negative score. The total score is now a 0.9/10, the only game on MFGG having a total score below 1. Too bad you won't let me know of this trick, because it really hurts me to concede a whole point to this abomination of mankind.
 
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Hypernova
Mar 30 2013, 9:24 PM
Just something I made for this -2/10 score:
https://dl.dropbox.com/u/106539740/Quick%20Photo/turd.gif
 
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DJ Coco
Mar 30 2013, 9:51 PM
Quote (Supernova on Mar 30 2013, 9:24 PM)
Just something I made for this -2/10 score:
https://dl.dropbox.com/u/106539740/Quick%20Photo/turd.gif

Great job. I've made one of those too, which you'll hopefully get to see soon enough.
 
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Cap'n Coconuts
Mar 31 2013, 1:20 AM
Quote (DJane Coco on Mar 30 2013, 4:51 PM)
Great job. I've made one of those too, which you'll hopefully get to see soon enough.

I hope it's just you who's figured it out and is going to do it and that you didn't tell every other reviewer whose reviews have mysteriously disappeared.
 
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Ryan Silberman
Mar 31 2013, 2:29 AM
Quote (Cap'n Coconuts on Mar 31 2013, 1:20 AM)
I hope it's just you who's figured it out and is going to do it and that you didn't tell every other reviewer whose reviews have mysteriously disappeared.

Admittedly, I did try tacking on a -1/10, but that's not because he told me. I just tried a little something.

Apparently, it won't work here on my existing review - It's coming back out as a 1/10 still.
 
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DJ Coco
Mar 31 2013, 12:44 PM
Quote (Jack-of-All Games on Mar 31 2013, 2:29 AM)
Admittedly, I did try tacking on a -1/10, but that's not because he told me. I just tried a little something.

Apparently, it won't work here on my existing review - It's coming back out as a 1/10 still.

Yeah, I'm still experimenting with that. I have the same problem as you.

And, I wouldn't spill the beans, but the trick must be pretty easy to figure out, considering how many people have managed to do that lately.
 
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Zero Kirby
Mar 31 2013, 9:02 PM
Negative scores are funnier when there's only a few.

The reason we'd prefer it people DIDN'T is because when Techokami did it it was hilarious and unexpected. This is also funny and unexpected.

Honestly more will start ruining the joke.
 
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DJ Coco
Mar 31 2013, 9:47 PM
Quote (Zero Kirby on Mar 31 2013, 9:02 PM)
Negative scores are funnier when there's only a few.

The reason we'd prefer it people DIDN'T is because when Techokami did it it was hilarious and unexpected. This is also funny and unexpected.

Honestly more will start ruining the joke.

I agree, unless you actually do something original with them
 
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Ryan Silberman
Mar 31 2013, 11:26 PM
Quote (Zero Kirby on Mar 31 2013, 9:02 PM)
Negative scores are funnier when there's only a few.

The reason we'd prefer it people DIDN'T is because when Techokami did it it was hilarious and unexpected. This is also funny and unexpected.

Honestly more will start ruining the joke.

Meh. I('ll) only use em when necessary.
 
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SuperPizzaMario
May 4 2013, 1:01 PM
Just heard about negative scores, just found out how to do them.
 
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Cap'n Coconuts
Jun 9 2013, 8:17 PM
The site staff won't accept scores outside the normal range anymore. The denial of manipulated scores might be permanent or it might be until it starts being funny again, but that's a long way off.
 
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Mariofan1122
Sep 24 2015, 8:48 PM
Quote (Cap'n Coconuts on Jun 9 2013, 8:17 PM)
The site staff won't accept scores outside the normal range anymore. The denial of manipulated scores might be permanent or it might be until it starts being funny again, but that's a long way off.

Bummer
 
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Hedgemaster
Mar 16 2017, 2:12 AM
Quote (Mariofan1122 on Sep 24 2015, 8:48 PM)
Bummer

"Bummer" - Chip Mcgallahan or however it's spelled
 
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Astrakitu
Dec 29 2021, 5:06 AM
Super Saiya-jin Luigi with a shotgun... on my Mario Fan Gamer Universe reviews?? Holy question block-ians indeed!
 
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Hypernova
Feb 22 2023, 4:20 PM
Surprised someone actually managed to spot this very minor change I added a while back.
 
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